Violence Awareness Month, and this year we would like to recognize the obstacles survivors face when leaving an abusive relationship, particularly when children are involved. We also want to acknowledge the significant impact that witnessing domestic violence can have on children.
Domestic violence advocates recognize that abuse can take many forms. At its core, domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner or family member. This can include physical and sexual abuse, intimidation, financial control, coercion, and emotional abuse. However, not all abusive behaviors meet the legal threshold for a crime. Mental and emotional abuse and some forms of controlling behavior may not be criminal offenses, which can limit a survivor's legal options and protections when they are trying to leave.
There are often questions and shame surrounding why victims “choose” not to leave violent relationships, especially when children are present. In reality, leaving an abusive relationship is often a complicated and dangerous process. On average, it takes multiple attempts to successfully leave an abusive relationship, and there are many reasons, including safety concerns, that can make leaving difficult or even impossible at a particular moment.
Some of the barriers survivors may face include threats that the abuser will take or harm the children, lack of financial resources or safe housing, limited access to legal resources, pressure from family members or institutions to remain in the relationship, love and attachment to the person who is harming them, and threats of serious injury or death. When we hear questions about why someone doesn't leave, we often encourage people to turn the question around and ask: Why does someone choose to abuse?
It goes without saying that children can be deeply impacted by exposure to domestic violence. In Alaska, assault in the presence of a child became a crime in 2025, recognizing the serious impact that violence can have on children who are present. Children who witness violence between caregivers, whether physical or psychological, can experience negative impacts across many areas of their well-being. Exposure to domestic violence has been associated with developmental difficulties, anxiety and depression, challenges at school, and an increased risk of using or experiencing violence in their own relationships. (*)
While it is important to understand how adults and children can be affected by chronic stress, trauma, and violence, it is equally important to understand that healing is possible. Experiencing violence does not mean that there is no hope for the future. The brain is remarkably capable of change, particularly when children have access to protective factors such as safety, stability, nurturing relationships, and connection with even one safe and supportive adult.
We would like to end by saying: We believe every survivor deserves safety, support, and the opportunity to heal, and every child deserves the opportunity to grow up in a home free from violence.
Sitkans Against Family Violence & STA’s Child Advocacy Center
(*) Harold, G. T., & Sellers, R. (2018). Annual research review: Interparental conflict and youth psychopathology: An evidence review and practice focused update. Journal of Child Psychology & Psychiatry, 59(4), 374–402. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.12893.
